I was talking with a young woman today, younger than me at least, about friendship. Marisa told me how she had dreamed about being a nurse, falling in love and having a family.
She laughed about how she and her two best friends had their lives all planned out as she ate a bag of Doritos and drink half of a two liter bottle of Pepsi.
“I was one hot Mama then” she said sadly. “Look at me now”. Tears filled her eyes and her voice trailed off. Marisa supports herself and her two children by working two jobs. She hasn’t heard from her friends in four years.
“It seems like all I do is eat. I used to talk to my friends when I was lonely, or sad, or tired. We talked all the time, and now all I do is eat. I feel so ashamed. This is my life.”
Food addiction is often the result of life circumstances we cannot control. Food is the mother of all comforts and can be quite irresistible when it is always available when you need to feel comforted and supported.
In Marisa’s case, her boyfriend left and she had to drop out of college to support her children. With no support system and too ashamed to talk to her friends after she gained the first 25 pounds, she went to work and took care of the kids.
Too tired and discouraged to think about anything but the wolves at her door, Marisa eats. She doesn’t deny it. She says it’s her only comfort now, but she does hope to go to nursing school one day.
Although she is involved in her daughters’ lives, she says she misses her friends most of all. Not necessarily the ones she palled around with in college but just friends in general, those special people around whom you can always be yourself without fear of being judged.
Marisa joined a women’s health club two weeks ago. She said she is looking for something to replace the need to eat when the shame surfaces.
We hear a lot about the necessity of support systems when dealing with emotional overeating, compulsive eating and food addiction, but the word “friendship” doesn’t always turn up in the conversation.
The impersonality of this high-tech world sometimes overshadows the need for and the value of friendship. In a perfect world, every one would have a friend.
Marisa hopes to make new friends at the health club. She wants to be an better role model for her teenage children who are already experiencing the consequences of being overweight. She wants to see her dream of being a nurse come true.
Most of all, she wants to feel like a loved, appreciated and valued human being whether she is fat or slim. In her own words, “I want to be comfortable in my own skin regardless of my size, and I want to have friends again who accept me as I am.”
Friendship trumps overeating in every category. If you can talk to a friend about your feelings instead of stuffing them down with food and hiding behind the shame, chances are you will find a way to overcome your fears and your food addictions.