I’m not going to talk about the days, just the result of the stress . That’s how we size things up anyway, isn’t it? It’s the outcome that matters.

I don’t know what it is that makes a person feel so much rage against themselves that they engage in self-destructive behaviors. There’s a point when the incident that caused the stress begins to blend with the person who is feeling it.

I think it is at that point where the line gets blurred and we temporarily become what the situation has made us feel. Suddenly, the emotional tension becomes too much and we snap like a rubber band that is stretched beyond its limit.

Betrayal is a terrible feeling. The feeling of being victimized, especially by someone we trust, is so overwhelming that we bury it deep inside. We try to pretend that it never happened while our families and friends urge us to just get over it and move on.

But the truth is that most people don’t just get over it, because it isn’t something you just get over. Then one day the stress builds and the feeling reminds you of the incident that started it all. And you snap.

So what does all this mean to a food addict? Well, I can tell you what it means to me. I don’t drink and I am an ex-smoker. I never did drugs of any kind. My addiction is a food addiction.

I don’t know how a drug addict feels. I never will and I don’t want to. The battle with foods is hard enough to win. Sometimes I win and sometimes I don’t.

This week at the job I work, there was a constant, unrelenting low-level stress. I am a person who needs a break once in a while.

On the first of the two most stressful days last week, I took home a box of chocolates which I  consumed in less than two hours. No judgments, please. I’m sharing.

The second fall-off-the-wagon-at-top-speed incident was the following day. I took home a package of black Twizzlers. Two hours later they were gone.

Two days in a row of steady, constant low-level stress turned into unmanageable high-level stress and my food addiction took over. I wanted to sleep but I couldn’t. I wanted to exercise but my hours were too long and I was too exhausted.

I needed a break but there was none to be had, so the trigger clicked and I couldn’t get out of the way in time. Within 24 hours, I was back at the store but my shift was only four hours and I had gotten some rest and a sense of accomplishment from my non-store work.

My interest in food or should I say in eating compulsively was gone and I could breathe again. Mental and emotional anxiety were replaced with inner calm.

Unlike other addictions, a food addiction can come and go in a matter of hours with only the unpleasant side effects that usually occur as a result of overeating.

It takes a lot to put me in that unsafe place where food is my only suit of armor. I don’t offer excuses but I do know that I have to get back on track fast and break the cycle as quickly as possible.

I guess I have some work to do.