Sometimes, not always. Doing something about your food addictions would be better, but that’s easier said than done.
Since food addicts are usually overweight, isolation can be a problem. The more uncomfortable you feel, the more likely you are to shrink away from social activities.
Barbara Sher, one of my favorite authors, says that isolation is the killer of dreams. She’s not kidding. It may be hard to face the world sometimes, but don’t shut it out. Stay connected to your dreams.
How do you get someone to listen to you complain and still have a positive conversational experience? You definitely don’t want to drive away the friends you do have by always griping.
Try this:
Enlist the assistance of an Executive Venting Partner (EVP). A really true friend is always a good choice, but I have also dumped on my mother. She’s a great listener. Ask first and let them think about it for a couple of days.
Honor the rules. In order to make this work, you have to honor the rules. Here’s how it works:
Warn the EVP in advance. Warn your EVP that you need to vent and ask them if they have time to listen. I’m talking about their undivided attention, not on a cell phone while they’re driving or occupied with something else. If they’re too busy, set a time for later.
Keep it to 10 minutes. That’s about as long as most people can stand to listen to whining without getting negative. If they are available for 10 minutes of closed mouth listening and are willing to listen for the whole 10 minutes, go for it.
DO NOT EXCEED 10 MINUTES!! I cannot stress this enough. If they’re a person who cares about you they will give you the time. Respect their time too. You said 10 minutes. Keep your word.
No judging. Tell them you are not looking for an opinion. You just need to gripe. They can say “Um-hum”, or “That sucks, or “Oh dear”, but for the most part, YOU are the only person who should be talking.
When the 10 minutes are up–set an egg timer if you have to–then SHUT UP!
End the conversation on a social note. Thank them and say “Have a nice evening”, “say hi to the kids”, “See you tomorrow”, something light like that.
Very important! Keep it confidential. Talking about it will only turn it into gossip and the good feelings you had after the session will dissipate fast.
Keep it in the session. Don’t bring it up with your EVP again either, even to express your gratitude. Let it go.
If your EVP brings it up, just smile. Say “I’m fine, but I may call you for another EVP session sometime, if you don’t mind. And I’m here to listen to you too if you need me. Then clam up.
Every action moves you toward something or away from something. Talk about the things that move you in the direction you want to go.
It helps to hear your own voice speaking your own truth, even if it isn’t always something you want to hear. For that to happen, you need a good listener.