One of the best things I’ve found to do when stress starts to take over my brain is to take deep breaths. It can be a hard habit to form but it works.

However, I don’t like it when people tell me to “take a deep breath”. It makes me want to consume 3 boxes of Edy’s Frozen Fruit bars right there in front of them.

It’s hard to take a deep breath sometimes. Panic is a big trigger for food addicts. To calm the panic, it helps to take long, quiet deep breaths, focusing only on the breathing and nothing else.

Many people with emotional eating challenges are so afraid of food that they panic when they feel hungry.

Hunger is a natural feeling in the human body but guilt skews the response for a food addict. It just feels wrong, like if you start eating you won’t be able to stop.

I was in that category. It was a Catch 22 situation. I was afraid of food and the control it had over my life. It was an explosion of emotion that compelled me to want to eat everything in sight, which sometimes I did.

I found a program that helped me lose my fear of food, and I’ll share that with you later. For now though, because you have to start somewhere, do this one simple thing.

Breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth. Don’t think of anything. Just focus on your breathing. Try 10 breaths, or 5 breaths, just once a day for a week.

It’s a simple action and, like most simple actions, you build on it. For a few brief moments, free your mind, open your heart, and breathe. Try it. What do you have to lose?

Maybe the panic? Or at least the feeling of panic.

Sometimes, not always. Doing something about your food addictions would be better, but that’s easier said than done.

Since food addicts are usually overweight, isolation can be a problem. The more uncomfortable you feel, the more likely you are to shrink away from social activities.

Barbara Sher, one of my favorite authors, says that isolation is the killer of dreams. She’s not kidding. It may be hard to face the world sometimes, but don’t shut it out. Stay connected to your dreams.

How do you get someone to listen to you complain and still have a positive conversational experience? You definitely don’t want to drive away the friends you do have by always griping.

Try this:

Enlist the assistance of an Executive Venting Partner (EVP). A really true friend is always a good choice, but I have also dumped on my mother. She’s a great listener. Ask first and let them think about it for a couple of days.

Honor the rules. In order to make this work, you have to honor the rules. Here’s how it works:

Warn the EVP in advance. Warn your EVP that you need to vent and ask them if they have time to listen. I’m talking about their undivided attention, not on a cell phone while they’re driving or occupied with something else. If they’re too busy, set a time for later.

Keep it to 10 minutes. That’s about as long as most people can stand to listen to whining without getting negative. If they are available for 10 minutes of closed mouth listening and are willing to listen for the whole 10 minutes, go for it.

DO NOT EXCEED 10 MINUTES!! I cannot stress this enough. If they’re a person who cares about you they will give you the time. Respect their time too. You said 10 minutes. Keep your word.

No judging. Tell them you are not looking for an opinion. You just need to gripe. They can say “Um-hum”, or “That sucks, or “Oh dear”, but for the most part, YOU are the only person who should be talking.

When the 10 minutes are up–set an egg timer if you have to–then SHUT UP!

End the conversation on a social note. Thank them and say “Have a nice evening”, “say hi to the kids”, “See you tomorrow”, something light like that.

Very important! Keep it confidential. Talking about it will only turn it into gossip and the good feelings you had after the session will dissipate fast.

Keep it in the session. Don’t bring it up with your EVP again either, even to express your gratitude. Let it go.

If your EVP brings it up, just smile. Say “I’m fine, but I may call you for another EVP session sometime, if you don’t mind. And I’m here to listen to you too if you need me. Then clam up.

Every action moves you toward something or away from something. Talk about the things that move you in the direction you want to go.

It helps to hear your own voice speaking your own truth, even if it isn’t always something you want to hear. For that to happen, you need a good listener.

All emotional eaters have a trigger. There are many triggers, things that happen in your life that make you just start eating like it was an event or something.

One of mine is lack of sleep. When I don’t get enough sleep, my body will take anything it can use for energy. When you’re up for 20 hours or more a day, it’s all you can do to get through the days.

Somehow I manage to do a pretty good job of it. Yet, I cannot deny that I do not always make the best choices when a few days of 2-3 hours of sleep a night combine to sabotage whatever good run I had going.

Stress is definitely in the other camp. Psychologists talk about good stress and bad stress but I am not convinced that the body can differentiate between the two.

It’s that blasted middle brain that’s the culprit. We still have the same instincts our distant ancestors had when the biggest threat to survival was starvation. Of course, I imagine wild animals and opposing tribes played their parts too.

But let’s talk about starvation for a minute, since it is a strong sensation and motivating factor in food addictions. I use the plural because there are many food addictions and they do not manifest in the same ways, nor are they triggered by generic incidents.

Every food addict is unique in their addiction. Only the addiction can be considered in general terms and/or categorized.

When ancient man had to go for long periods of time without eating, a part of the brain kicked in and said, “Dude, you’re starving but fear not because guess what? I’m going to store everything you eat as fat so you can use it later when you’re really going to need it.” Every time the stress and panic gripped our ancient earthlings, the body was programmed to store food as fat.

Well, guess what? When you get stressed or panicky, that part of the brain that sends the message to the body system to store fat kicks in.

You feel like you’re starving even though the stress is usually caused by something else. And the body does the only thing it knows how to do. And this isn’t the same with everyone. Some people have a metabolism that can cook anything. But not so with food addicts.

Relax, have fun, take it easy, don’t stress. Just listening to those phrases can be stressful.

One of the best things you can do to bust the stress is to get your mind out of the past and the future and focus on what is going on right now at this present moment. It sounds crazy but the hunger seems to fade when you can be in the moment, even if its a short moment.

Baby steps. Only one thing at a time. Take a walk. Contemplate or do a spiritual exercise, or pray. Go within. Open your heart.

Try a new technique. Get healthy. Learn something. Don’t be helpless or let yourself think you’re pathetic, even if your situation is.

Things will change. They always do. Don’t give up.